THE LAND OF THIGHS - A TWO PART JOURNAL

Part Two

So the food didn’t poison me, the girls seem to have left me intact, and apart from a £150 phone bill at the hotel, the locals didn’t rip me off. As I sit here in the departure lounge of Bangkok Airport, reflecting on my seven day sojourn to Asia, I realise that I need a fucking holiday to get over this one!! We did manage to see some cool stuff at the Palace, and it has definately been “ an experience “, but having been to the Caribbean, America, North Africa, most of Europe and now Thailand,  Bangkok is not the place I would recommend to anyone needing to take time out. (Note to reader: Upon reading this back nearly 10 years later, and having been back to Thailand more times than I can count, I now dispute this claim, and in fact would recommend the place to anyone.)

Our trip to The Grand Palace started out on the canals that run through Bangkok. These boats are a public transport system for the Thai’s and travelling on them is fun. But being sprayed constantly with the sewage water that makes up 90% of the canals content is not! As the boats speed up and down the waterways, a fine spray of toxic waste is covering you the whole time - mouth closed all the way!! But we got off right where the scene in Man With The Golden Gun, ( see pic ) where Bond starts his waterway chase was filmed. And sure enough, there were kids aged about seven or eight swimming about, selling carved wooden elephants. Straight out of the movie.
A ten minute walk through the backpackers area, known as the Kausahn Road, and Ive been offered everything from a fake student I.D. through a half kilo of heroin, to a fourteen year old boy. Not feeling like doing fifteen years in the Bangkok Hilton I decline it all.

And then we arrive at the Grand Palace, which must be one of the most beautiful temples in the world. But bureaucracy is everywhere, and we immediately get into a screaming match with two Thai Military Police who will not allow Rob or myself into the palace as we have vests on, and we both have full tattoo sleeves. After twenty minutes of getting nowhere, we have to rent the most hideous lumberjack check shirts to cover the tops of our arms and we are in. Everything is covered in gold leaf, emeralds, just about every precious stone in fact, and it is huge. Massive statues guard the entrances to the many temples and once my shoes are off ( a mark of respect ) I enter each one, amazed at the size and richness of them all. Once we have done the whole bit, we decide we need a caffeine bomb ( to quote Ginger ) and head back to the hotel. The evening is a blur of neon lights, bars, bikini lines and bananas. Draw your own conclusions!!

Most of the next day was spent shopping in the market, kinda like a huge Camden Lock, but with no english speaking traders, and a whole area devoted to animals. Again, it was an “experience” but the sight of a beautiful peacock, locked in a cage no bigger than a couple of beer crates, or twenty puppies, all in a cardboard box, looking frightened out of their lives, while being very “Thai”, was a little too much for me, and I refused to go in any deeper. For a country whose local people are genuinely very sweet and desperate to please, I found their total lack of care for the poor, the animals and the homeless a big mental stepping stone to me accepting the life. But that’s how it is here, so I suppose I shouldn’t judge. Lets just say that right now, sitting with my laptop in a departure lounge, bound for London,, I feel a sense of relief. I love to travel, to gain insight and understanding and knowledge, but this week has been a very hectic one, and I am looking forward to getting back to the familiar insanity of life as part of Stimulator. I have to say, though, that “Billy Goes To Benidorm” doesn’t have the same ring to it.......mind you, right now, it’s not a bad idea!!

“Kapcoon kap” as they say here.......

Billy